Gary Allan and Dark Skies

"I know I must be going, cause love's already gone.  And all I'm taking with me are the pieces of my heart and all I'll leave are smoke rings in the dark."

So many new changes are coming my way and I finally feel like the young lady I always wanted to be someday.  I just finished my final winter term of college and my mama came up for a little visit.  Since I chose to go to university 11 hours away from home I don't see my family very often.  My papa wanted to come too but there was too much to be done in preparation for summer haying.  Even though I don't live in a small town compared to my hometown, it doesn't offer much in the way of amenities.  If you want to go to a mall or do any real shopping you have to go to Idaho or Washington.  We chose Tri-Cities in WA and just had a blast.  We watched a movie went to a nice restaurant, did a little shopping where my mama got her first smartphone and managed to not get lost once. 

Both coming and going we went through Pendleton, which for those of you who don't know I lived there for 3 years.  While there I made several lasting friendships, fell in love and experienced life as every young college kid should.  The difference between La Grande and Pendleton though is that Pendleton truly felt like home.  I've been fortunate in that everywhere I go I seem to find a family that adopts me, which makes being hundreds of miles away from home so much easier.  Maybe it's that I was more social while in Pendleton but no matter how long I've been away my soul feels an instant calm when I drop down into town.  Graduation is quickly approaching and I'll be moving soon, which means I don't know when I'll be back.  It's ok though, I'll always have the memories.

This morning I got a call from a Range Manager in Colorado, first wondering if I'd accepted another position yet and second if I had time for an interview.  An hour later I was sealing the deal on a Range Technician position in Yampa, CO.  It's a sleepy little town of 300, nestled in the heart of the Rockies, elevation 7,800.  I'm so excited!  I worked 2 summers in SE Colorado several years back and I can't express the joy I feel over being able to go back.  The best part is that even though it's small it's only 25 miles to Steamboat Springs which is quite a bit bigger and sounds like where I'll be doing my primary shopping.  In my opinion it's a sign of a good job when one of your interview questions is if you can drive a manual transmission and pull a trailer.  I love adventure and the Rockies are absolutely beautiful.  The high elevation can be a killer but I swear you feel better, even if your lungs do feel like they may explode with any real exertion.  I'll be living in the barracks with the other seasonals and if all goes according to plan I'll be taking 2 horses with me.  What else can a girl ask for? 

Tonight the skies steadily grew darker, Gary Allan sang to my soul through my Bose speakers.  As the wind picked up and the music grew louder I felt like I was living a dream.  I felt heady and light hearted as thought this life I'm living was not my own.  I may not be exactly where I planned to be 5 years ago, but I'm in a good place.  Life is looking up, new opportunities are all about me and I fully intend on making the best of every one of them.  I've given up on trying to plan my future.  I have a fair idea but the actual planning is not mine to make and the spontaneous nature of it all is something I crave.  Make sure to check back this summer because I should have some grand tales and fabulous photo's to share!

How stinkin' cute is this little town???!!!

XO Loves,

Me

 

Anticipation

I'm up late frantically trying to finish up a scientific paper for my plant physiology class.  It's not due until Monday but tomorrow is the last day to have our professor review it for us.  Not only is this class super hard but there's only 90 points possible and this paper is worth a third of our grade!  I've got most of it done though.
While I'm working I'm listening to my favorite list on Spotify, which includes a lot of Brenn Hill, Ian Tyson and Chris LeDoux.  It's really got my soul stirring.  For the last couple of weeks I've been applying to Range Tech jobs throughout the West.  So far I've had a call back on a job in the Dakotas and a job in Utah.  The stress and anticipation is almost too much to bare.  I've applied for a lot of jobs, there's still more I haven't gotten to, and more being posted weekly.  All of these jobs are 6 month temporary jobs, but rather than being disappointed I'm thrilled.  It gives me a chance to gain the experience I need in order to apply for a higher grade level as well as allows me the opportunity to work who knows where!  Also, my 5 year plan may or may not involve a season working as a jillaroo in Australia.  The thought of being tied down and restrained in one town right now gives me heartburn.  I'm young, I'm graduating in 4 months and other than my myriad of animals, nothing is holding me back!
For those of you reading this from another state, I just may be coming to your town soon.

XO Loves,

Me

Distraction

The rains pouring down, beating against the weak sides of my little house.  The dripping in the window sill so loud I think it's leaking.  The already saturated ground can hold no more, the water pools and runs downhill.  It was snowing just yesterday.  It seems my awful luck has struck again.  The weather has been beautiful during the weekdays, and wintery and dismal on the weekends.  Between school and work I'm stuck inside Monday-Friday.  The weekends are mine though.  Unfortunately this weekend I had too much homework to catch up on and I didn't get my usual weekend pleasure.  I doubt my ponies mind much, they must feel like they've hit the jackpot.  They haven't had to work in a week and they get to eat all day long.  I did get my newly acquired first edition of Nerve by Dick Francis read though, so it hasn't been a complete loss.  Reading about riding is almost as good as riding right?  Especially when it's the high-stakes game of steeple-chasing?

I sit here taking pleasure in the sound of the rain hitting my window and clicking of the keys as I type.  So much reading to do; investment analysis, enterprise analysis, the cost of environmental services in South America.  I think my window sill really is leaking.  I've been couped up all day and I'm finding it very hard to concentrate.  My black dog lays contentedly alongside my computer.  His long hair obscuring the side of my screen.

Only 3 more weeks until Spring Break and only 11 weeks after that until I graduate.  This is my last eighth week of winter term.  The end is so close that I'm in a constant state of giddiness.  15 more weeks as a student.  Then I'm free!  No longer will I be staying up late at night reading things that really don't interest me.  No longer will I have to stress over time management when it comes to class, homework and work.  I'm almost done.  I can do this.  Now if I could just get some riding time in...

XO Loves,


Me

With a Whisper

Brenn Hill has quickly become one of my favorite artists.  I first heard his music while listening to a random playlist on Slacker and I've been hooked ever since.  In fact I moved from Pendleton the last time just before he had a show at Hamley's.  I was very disappointed!  I love his voice, and unlike so many mainstream artist's these days his songs actually tell a story.  I also enjoy that they're cowboy songs.  If you have Spotify here's a link that will allow you to listen to it.  Here's one of my favorites, With a Whisper. 

With A Whisper
Brenn Hill/Red Cliffs Press Music (BMI)
Verse 1:
Show me the ways of horsemen
Rope halter, snaffle, and bosal
Screw me down tight on the buckers
I wanna ride this colt through hell
Tell me the Roughrider's secrets
How to 9-1-1 your latigo
To cross her feet in a tussle
When to hang on when to let go
Chorus:
You are a modern contradiction
You hold to the ways of yesterday
You wooly buckaroo
I wish I was you
You say all there is to say
With a whisper
Verse 2:
Soft-mouthed and always lookin' for you
I see obedience in her eye
Her ears are ever-leanin' forward
Between the desert and the sky
With a fancy wild-rag 'round your neck
Jingle-bobs are singin' outta tune
Just you and her until the sun sets
Here upon the far Owyhee moon
Repeat Chorus
Verse 3:
Show me the ways of horsemen
Rope halter,snaffle, and bosal
Teach me the Roughrider's secrets
I wanna ride this colt through hell

Wild Animals

Have you ever stopped and truly thought about how hard wild animals work to survive?  They endure extreme heat, extreme cold, droughts, floods, monsoons, fires and other assorted natural disasters.  They're hunted, exploited, chased, harassed and relocated.  The overpopulation of humans has had a drastic affect on wildlife worldwide.

Every creature, big or small, cute or scary has a purpose and a story.  We may not always like or appreciate their lot in life, but they're here and we need to live with them.  Sometimes I think even through all their hardships, they really are better off.  Animal life is simple.  A hierarchy exists among every species that dwells together.  There's no lying, no deception amongst the ranks.  You're put in your place by your superior and that's that.  There's a constant battle for supremacy, but it's expected and the alpha always knows it's coming.  One day they will no longer be able to protect what is theirs.  When that day comes they leave, dead or alive.

The life of a wild animal is hard.  Whether it's an endangered black rhino in Africa being hunted for it's horn, a mama cheetah doing her best to defy cub survival rates, elk herds fighting off wolves or fish searching for colder waters.  Every day is uncertain, a constant risk, a battle for life.  Most people only see wild animals once their captured, or through the lens of someone else' experience.  We make jokes about observing some creature "in it's natural habitat".  Those of us who are lucky enough to see wildlife I think most often take it for granted.

Two falls ago I saw a timber rattlesnake for the first time, one of a pair.  The next day I saw a king snake, he proved too quick for my camera skills and I never did get a good shot of it.  Last fall I saw what was either a marten or a fisher.  Neither my dad or I had ever seen one before.  I gawk in amazement when I see big bucks.  I wonder at the athleticism and grace of elk.  I'm unusually afraid of  mountain lions (I used to have nightmares about them jumping through my window and eating me as a child), but their the ultimate predator.  Lithe, graceful, quick, strong and effective.

People who have grown up in the country learn from a young age to respect all animals.  When I was little I was always told that animals came first, and they always ate before I did. The true stewards of the land learn to live and make peace with all animals.  I had a great-uncle of sorts that spent most of the year in a camper in the mountains.  He was so unbelievably a part of the landscape.  He just sat in his little lawn chair quietly reading for hours and hours.  He made pets of deer and squirrels and chipmunks.  He was so accepted by his surroundings that one night he was awoken by a bull elk rubbing on the side of his camper!  He didn't have much and he was far from a materialistic man.  Sometimes I think he had the right idea. 

Anyway, this is no way is an ode to environmentalism.  Nor is it an attack on human kind.  I was just doing some research for a class and came across some fantastic photos shot for National Geographic.  Thought I'd share some with you.  They actually came from the Photo of the Day and I encourage you to check them out, the photo's are outstanding!  Here's the link.

XO Loves,


Me

Bang a Drum

How many of you have heard Chris LeDoux's song Bang a Drum?  It's a beautiful song and is actually a duet with Jon Bon Jovi.  Do you ever have reminiscent memories of what you were doing the first time you heard a certain song?  I do, a lot.  For me most of the time I was reading a book.  I can remember listening to this album and song while reading a book from the Sackett series by Louis L'Amour.  Love those Sackett men.  You should check out those books too by the way.  So here's Bang a Drum by Chris LeDoux and Bon Jovi.  Watch the video HERE


I went to see the preacher
To teach me how to pray
He looked at me and smiled
Then that preacher turned away

Said, "If you want to tell him something
You ain't gotta fold your hands
Say it with your heart, your soul and believe it
And I'll say, Amen"

Bang a drum for the sinners
Bang a drum for your sins
Bang a drum for the losers
And those who win

Bang a drum, bang it loudly
Or as soft as you need
Bang a drum for yourself, son
And a drum for me

Well, I called upon my brother
Just the other day
He said, "Jon, I'm gonna die
If I don't start to live again"

"I work each day and night like clockwork
Just tryin' to make ends meet
Well, I could kick this bad world's ass
If I could just get on my feet"

Bang a drum for the dyin'
Bang a drum for the truth
Bang a drum for the innocence
Lost in our youth

Bang a drum, bang it loudly
Or as soft as you need
Bang a drum for your brother
And a drum for me

I don't know where
All the rivers run
I don't know how far
I don't know how come

But I'm gonna die believin'
With each step that I take
Ain't worth the ground that I walk
If we don't walk it our own way

I don't claim to be a wise man
A poet or a saint
Just another man who's searchin'
For a better way

But, my heart beats loud as thunder
For the things that I believe
Sometimes, I want to run for cover
Sometimes, I want to scream

Bang a drum for the tomorrow
Bang a drum for the past
Bang a drum for the heroes
Who won't come back

Bang a drum for the promise
Bang a drum for the lies
Bang a drum for the lovers
And the tears they cry

Bang a drum, bang it loudly
Or as soft as you need
But as long as my heart
Keeps on banging, I've got a reason to believe


XO Loves,


Me

Holding Back

Due to recent events in my life, I felt like finally expressing these thoughts was about time.  Have you ever not done something because you were afraid?  Unsure of yourself?  Embarrassed?  I have, a lot.  For as long as I can remember I've held back, not in fear of the action itself, but in fear of being judged, ridiculed, laughed at or looking stupid.  Those who are confident in who they are and their place in the world will never understand that feeling until they've experienced it.  It's not a good feeling, for me it gives me major anxiety.  Sometimes I'll allow the confident around me to force me into doing something I'm uncomfortable with only to end up not being able to handle it and wanting desperately to run away and hide. 

I don't ask questions in big classes for fear of someone thinking "geez that's a stupid question, quit wasting my time".

I sit in the back of the class, not because I want to goof off, but because I have an irrational fear of people staring at me from behind.

When I was young I thought it was bad to sway your hips when you walked.  The result is that now I have a very stiff, straight gait.

When I started running barrels I didn't like holding onto the horn because I thought people would think it was because I couldn't ride.

I got super nervous about running barrels in the first place for fear of people thinking I was too big.

I've wanted to team rope since highschool, but I've always been too afraid to take advantage of the opportunities I've had throughout the years.

I don't dance unless I've had plenty of liquid courage, because I don't feel like I have rhythm. 

I don't ask gear questions around those who are most knowledgeable because I'm embarrassed that I don't already know.

I don't flirt, because I'm just positive no one's interested in me that way.

I've always loved the gym, but I used to get super self-conscious in them because I wasn't fit, I felt constantly judged.

These are all totally ridiculous fears, and I fully recognize that.  Some of them I've overcome, the dancing one I might not ever get over...  The point here though, is that we should never not achieve our goals, or quit working towards our dreams just because we're worried about other people.   It's our life, not there's so who cares!

XO Loves,

Me