I Miss My Friend

As pet owners and animal lovers we all experience loss.  My first two pets were a bunny named Thumper and a cat named Junior.  The bunny was killed by a dog in front of me, the cat ran away to the neighbors.  I was somewhere around 5 at the time.  When my papa culled cows I always told them I was sorry, I thanked them for being good to us and told them I'd never forget them.  I would promptly go home and write about them in my little diary.  I sat high in the barn watching in fascination as my grandpa, papa, uncle and assorted family and friends butchered steers that we had raised.  When I was 8 or 9 our Akita ran off with my dads little cowdog pup Queenie.  He took her up the mountain and she never found her way home.  I remember sitting upstairs staring up the road, every day believing that would be the day she came home.  I cried intensely when my dad sold his Thoroughbred mare Sunset.  I loved her and thought with childish conviction that she was the greatest horse there ever was.  When in reality, she wasn't tough enough to be a mountain horse and more often than not threw her rider.

There's been so many losses over the years, mostly cats due to the big cats that frequent our area.  It's the last five losses, two in particular that hurt the most.  It's always harder to lose an animal before they're old.  My papa's amazing Heeler Butte got ran over last year.  The year before that my best friend Fanncie ate too much hide, got compacted and ran off to die.  The fall before that my cat Puss died of smoke inhalation.  My favorite big, red mare Dallie was killed earlier that spring and my little Chiweener Lil'Anne got ran over the summer before that.  You may find this all quite morbid indeed, but the best way to keep their memories alive is to talk about them.

Dallie and Fanncie were by far my closest loves.  For me animals have always been more than pets, their existence more meaningful than words can describe.  They helped me through many a slump.  My big mare dumped me several times, but I fell more and more in love with her every time I rode her.  Hell, I even hauled her all the way to Colorado with me for a summer.  Fanncie and I had an unrivaled bond, her being my first dog.  I got her at the Red Bluff Bull and Gelding Sale my junior year of highschool.  I took her out to the pickup where she curled up on my shoulders in my hair and slept.  As a puppy she once pooped in the back of my Chemistry class.  As an adult she kept many a man at bay, chasing a few completely out of my house.  She wasn't exactly friendly at first site.  At 30 lbs she wasn't big, but she was aggressive, fierce and always protective of me.  Carrying or not, I always felt safe with her around.  I once took her into a Rest Area bathroom with me because it was the middle of the night and I wasn't about to be pounced on.  She tangled with a coyote, had many a row with other dogs, had her face shut in a pick-up door and took many a hit by bulls and cows alike.  Scars, broken teeth and tattered ears she was an adorable little dingo looking dog.  She was wicked tough and snake mean, I couldn't have loved her more.  My heart broke as much for the loss of her as it did losing my ex-fiance. 

Fanncie and Butte lie together in death much the same as they ran together in life.  A team to be reckoned with.  Dallie's buried out in the feedlot alongside our other fallen equines.  Puss and Lil'Anne were buried together under a maple in the backyard.  They're not alone even though they're gone.

Animals simply don't live as long as we do.  Death is a part of life, an important lesson many of us learned in the Lion King.  Each and every animal I've had has left its mark on my heart.  Some hurt more to think about than others.  We learn and grow, taking a little something from every experience.  As long as puppies and foals are being born I'll continue to let them into my heart.  Tears will be shed every bit as much as love and joy will be felt.

XO Loves,

Me