The Blizzard

So this weeks 'Song of the Week' is The Blizzard originally sung by Jim Reeves.  I'm embarrassed to say I first heard this song a couple of years ago during Christmas.  It hit a chord for some reason, and every time I hear it I can't help but cry.  I mean not just teary eyed, but full on holding the tears back as best I can.  I'm the kind of person who cries over horses dying in movies, but not always for the people who do.  This is pretty much the same thing.  I can't say I've ever been stuck in a harsh blizzard but as a child I always knew if I ever got lost that my old gray horse would always take me home.  For true horse people horses are more than just an animal we ride, they are our best friend, our confidant, our compass, our portal to a life long gone.  Hell, I'm tearing up right now thinking of that man not abandoning ole' Dan.  So without further adieu, here is;

 The Blizzard
by Jim Reeves
There's a blizzard comin' on how I'm wishin' I was home
For my pony's lame and he can't hardly stand
Listen to that northern sigh if we don't get home we'll die
But it's only seven miles to Mary Anne it's only seven miles to Mary Anne
You can bet we're on her mind for it's nearly suppertime
And I'll bet there's hot biscuits in the pan
Lord my hands feel like they're froze and there's a numbness in my toes
But it's only five more miles to Mary Anne it's only five more miles to Mary Anne
That wind's howlin' and it seems mighty like a woman's screams
And we'd best be movin' faster if we can
Dan just think about that barn with that hay so soft and warm
For it's only three more miles to Mary Anne it's only three more miles to Mary Anne
Dan get up your ornery cuss or you'll be the death of us
I'm so weary but I'll help you if I can
All right Dan perhaps it's best that we'll just stop awhile and rest
For it's still a hundred yards to Mary Anne it's still a hundred yeards to Mary Anne
Late that night the storm was gone and they found him there at dawn
He had made it but he couldn't leave ol' Dan
Yes they found him there on the plains his hands froze to the reins
He was just a hundred yards from Mary Anne
He was just a hundred yards from Mary Anne

                      Dan                                            

XO Loves,




Me

Thanksgiving.... Last Year

I've spent a lot of holidays alone, some completely alone, others with other families.  The price I've paid for being a little gypsy ;)  It was hard at first, but got easier as I got older.  

I moved back home in 2011.  It was wonderful, I got to celebrate my mama and papas birthday, my sister and brothers, and mine with family.  Last Thanksgiving was a truly special event, and probably one of the most memorable.  My sister is the only one of us that's married, so they split Thanksgiving and Christmas up between each family.  Last year it was our year for Christmas, but not Thanksgiving.  So it was just my parents, my brother and I. 

A couple weeks before Thanksgiving, my parents were off visiting my sister, leaving my brother and I in charge of calving.  I got home from work one night late, and noticed some calves in the pole barn.  I drove up to the house, and got my brother, and we went back down to fix fence.  It was raining, pretty late and I'm so surprised my brother and I got along so well.  What I didn't know was that he had left a pot of hot dogs boiling on the stove.  He didn't go back to the house, and I wasn't living there.  The next morning what he found was a disastrous mess, but thankfully the house was still standing.  The end result was some serious smoke damage of everything in our parents house.  My parents were outraged, my brother felt awful, but we were all So thankful that the house survived.  The smell was atrocious.  My mom spent the first couple nights in a motel, my dad toughed it out, but shouldn't have been breathing that stuff in.  For a week, every window in the house was open, and it was bitter cold inside there.  I took the bird, the cat and my mom.  Finally the insurance sent in a team, and my dad moved out. 

I was living in my grandparents old house, and my mom and dad were staying in my dads old room.  It was so nice!  My brother would come down during the day and start a fire for us all.  We had family dinners every night.  Problem was, I didn't have a dining room table.  Or really any chairs, or anywhere to sit.  But it was so special to see my papas reaction.  He hadn't slept in that house in almost 40 years.  A lot of memories came back.  He only came in the back door, because his mom would get mad if they drudged their dirty boots through the house. 

Thanksgiving rolled around.  Mom brought down a card table, my cousin brought over some fold up chairs, we were set!  My oven wasn't very big, so we just cooked a breast, made some stuffing, mashed potatoes and biscuits.  It was a fairly sparse spread, but I didn't have anything to cook with.  So we did the best we could with what we had.  And it was very nice!  Even though my sister wasn't able to be there, it was special.  It was my dads first Thanksgiving dinner in his old house since the mid 70's.  It meant so much to him, and it warmed my heart to see how happy he was.  He told us stories of his childhood, him and his brother fighting, playing army under the house, milking cows and cream separating...  I didn't know my grandparents very well, so spending a holiday in the home they built together meant more to me than I can express.  There was a lot of laughing, a lot of whiskey and wine and a few tears.  It was a day for the books!

There's only ever been one other Thanksgiving that was as special.  So as I prepare to spend yet again another T-Day without my family I remember the truly happy and amazing holidays I have gotten to spend with them.  And look even more forward to going home for Christmas!


So Happy Thanksgiving everyone and don't ever take your family and friends for granted, no matter how crazy they make you!!!!!




Xo Loves,



Me

Today I Will

I started this 2 days ago, but I can't post from my phone anymore, lame I know.
I really need to be working on my 1200 word paper that's due tonight at midnight, but I needed a break for some recreational writing.

I have a friend that had a crazy whirlwind relationship years ago, it ended in divorce but she has 3 wonderful children to show for it. Her relationship was a lot like mine with my ex!  It went from one extreme to another, we both have neither loved nor hated as much as we did with those men.

At the end of each experience there's a period of reconstruction.  I'm still going through mine.  My friend gave me a set of inspiration cards.  The Language of Letting Go.  I really like them.  So every day I spread them out, close my eyes and choose a card.  My favorite so far is about still being lovable.

Today I Will-- tell myself that I'm lovable. Just because some people haven't been able to love me in ways that worked doesn't mean that I'm unlovable. I've had lessons to learn, and some of them have hurt deeply, but I can still love, and I still am loved.

So no matter what, always know, someone still loves you!



Xoxo Loves,


Me

I Still Love You

"Don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore.  You lost the love I loved the most.  I learned to live half a life.  Now you want me one more time. Who do you think you are?"


I had a fantastic weekend.  Rodeo, beer, music and dancing, horses and family.  But while spending time with my cousins, I saw something in them that I live with in myself.  The in-ability to mend a broken heart.

It's been three years since my world fell apart.  Less than one since all contact ended.  It was the best yet worse thing that has ever happened to me.  The highlight of my life until I lost my love and my health.  It's been a long three years but finally I feel healthy again. I still have a ways to go, but I'm so proud of how far I've come.  My emotions however, have been harder to heal.  We were perfect in so many ways, but we also had tornado in a small town days too.  It's these days I now seem to have forgotten.  The petty fights and harsh words nothing but a faint memory.  I remember the good, hell the great.  I haven't felt that since, and sometimes wonder if I ever will again.  You can apologize, plead and hope, but sometimes nothings ever enough.  I had my days of mourning the past, the self-pity, the hate, regret, a sense of total loss.  Now, I'm just empty.

This weekend I saw the same emptiness in the eyes of my cousins.  The distracted conversations and sudden disappearances.  Ending in the attempt to lose themselves in the arms of another woman.  These boys are brothers and look out for each other, but they don't know how to fix this kind of broken.  They're both completely confused.  The oldest more lost than the other.  I hurt for them because the same pain is still so real for me.  My heart has become a ghost and I miss the one I loved the most.

Love should be easy.  Life isn't, but the true act of loving is the most basic aspect of our lives.  It comes to us naturally, some ignore it, some mistake it for other feelings, and the lucky simply enjoy it.  We all know if it's meant to be so shall it be.  But it's that revelation we can't always come to terms with. 

I wish I could help my cousins, but men don't listen to women well (unless it's their mama).  What's the point in experience if you can't help others. 

I still love you and always will, but we'll never get back what once was, alone or apart.

Missing You

I miss his gruff voice.  Their loving bickering.  The smell of her Tabu perfume.  The familiar clink of ice in the nightly high-ball.  The strong hand that ran our family.

I  miss the sound of him chewing gum.  The seriousness of every look.  The tall quiet southern man who was once the bull of the woods.

I miss his arms around me, his chin resting on the top of my head. The sense of belonging.  Being loved.  Feeling safe.  His crooked flat hat.  The blue eyes that looked into my soul.

I miss his semi-negative influence.  The uncanny way he always knew when I was down.  The fun we had.  My friend.

I miss her clunky rough gate.  Her very female attitude.  Her silky soft coat.  Her big round feet.  We were a team.  She took care of me every time out.

I miss the sound of her jingle-bell.  How tiny she was.  She growled and barked at every stranger, and every boy.  Even getting locked out of my pickup in subzero temperatures.  Her warmth at my feet under the covers.

I miss her fierce little face.  Her scars from battles won.  Her undying loyalty.  Constantly stumbling over her because she always had to be close.  Her protective nature.  My best friend.

I miss the love lost, the friends of my past.  Feelings felt and torn.  I miss what for now are my good ole' days.

But I don't miss the heartache and pain.  I'm just missing you.



Xoxo Loves,

Me