Searching

I'm young.  At least compared to life, I'm still young.  I'm restless.  Ill at ease.  Unsure of my path and broken.  For now I'm like Humpty Dumpty trying to put all the pieces back together again.

My Senior year of high school I dropped my classes and cancelled my dorm room at a local college.  The same week I had a new adviser and several phone meetings set up to schedule my first term at a college 9 hours way.  I spent 2 1/2 years there, but can't remember how many houses I lived in.  For an entire term my best friend and I slept on an air mattress in a friends room.  For which, we each paid $200. 

Summers were spent all over.  Ideas and dreams constantly changing.  Rodeos here and there.  Even before I lost my love, I was searching.  Although I didn't know it then because I thought I was happy wherever he was.  But fire and gasoline are never a safe combination.  We went our separate ways.  And I'm still searching.  I don't know what it is I'm hoping to find.  Something tangible, a feeling, a place or a person.  I don't even know how or if I'll know it when I find it.  Somehow I just don't think Angels will be singing...

So for now I'll settle for the unsatiable restless feeling I live with.  I'll continue to roam and travel and experience.  And hope that one day, I'll find what my heart's been searching for.



Xoxo Loves,

Me