Growing Up

It's almost midnight, and I'm seriously caught up in my new library book.  As I forced myself to put it down and brush my teeth, I started to realize how much I've grown up in the last 3 years.  As the youngest of three by 8 years, I'm typically always looked at as "the baby".  And while yes, that is true, "the baby" is now 25 years old.  I haven't been a part of this world all that long compared to most, but I can honestly say I've lived.

 From a child I've always acted older than I was.  Then I went away to college and I got to be me.  Just me.  A young and impressionable 18 year old me.  I did well.  I made friends quickly, I adapted to the high desert way of life.  I fell in love.  I moved a lot.  My family affectionately called me a gypsy and joked that from week to week they didn't know where I was or what I was doing.  A fact that I'm sure caused my mama and papa much angst.  I graduated with an Associate of Science degree and moved across state.  A decision that proved to be detrimental to my young life.  I lived in King's Valley outside of Corvallis for 6 months.  It may or may not have caused the end of my relationship, but either way its the place that caused me most emotional and physical harm.  Thankfully that summer I got an internship with BLM and I moved to SW Colorado!  I worked long hours, and any spare time I had was spent at a ranch riding race broke colts.  I loved my government experience, but I learned so much from the old man I worked for 'after hours'.  He was going through some tough times health wise and I couldn't have been happier to help him out in his time of need.

 I came back to Oregon feeling like a million bucks.  But somewhere during fall term I fell apart.  Friends and family tried to help, but how can you help someone who doesn't even know whats truly wrong?  I had several long talks with my daddy, talks that drew us closer with me being an adult.  But they didn't help.  I made several more out of state moves before finally deciding to just move home.  I was severely unhealthy.  I was overweight, had no energy and slept more than is humanly normal.  The worse part, no one could figure out just what my problem was.  So for a few months I had a chauffeur pretty much everywhere I went.  I got a job downriver and thankfully got to car pool with my mama.  My body was constantly totally exhausted.  I had 2 sleep studies with total opposite results, ending with the thought I may just be narcoleptic.  Finally an intense blood work up was done, and we had our answers.  I was deficient in almost everything, and I had toxic levels of several heavy metals.  Basically my poor body was just shutting down.  Immediate action was taken, and it wasn't long before I could actually stay awake on the car rides home.  Then on the way to work I would chat with my mama.  Finally I was again driving myself.

It's been a year and five months since I moved back, and not only am I healthier, but I've grown up.  I'm not as quick to anger, I try harder to think about how my actions affect others before I act, I like music I used to think was too 'old timey', places I've lived seem more dear, friendships more important, faith strengthened and a new religion found.  History and stories about where I come from desperately searched for.  I've had several pretty life altering events occur in my life, starting at the young age of 10.  But I'm proud to say that I've rallied back and done what I can to make my life better afterwards.  I had a nice chat with my daddy on the phone the other night(even though he's only a mile away) and he told me how proud he was of how far I've come in the last year especially.  That it's been a long road, but that I've finally figured it out for myself and I'm headed in the right direction.  He's always told me he didn't care if I was a janitor, as long as I was truly happy.  It's been awhile, but along with growing up, I've found my happiness again.   And that's something I'm truly proud of...



Xoxo Loves,

Me