My New Puppy!

So as some of you know, I lost my heeler, Fanncie this summer.  She was only 8 and it was definitely not her time.  I was devastated. Fanncie had 2 litters, one purebred and one with an Australian Shepard.  I didn't get to keep a puppy out of either litter.  My plan was to breed to another heeler and keep one of those, but my Border Collie Aussie got to her first.  I was moving to Colorado to work for the summer so my parents fixed her.  But the Lord does work in mysterious ways, the first of October I got a text from an old friend.  He said that the female they bought from Fanc's last litter had just had puppies!   I was SO pumped and just Had to have one.  Last Friday, I got her!  Little Miss Macie is 3/4 Queensland Heeler and 1/4 Australian Shepard( I don't hold it against her).  Her daddy was actually imported from Australia.  She looks completely heeler with the exception of a blue eye, and I just love the little monster.  So here are a few pictures.....

Her mama, Skagit has a blue eye, as did her grandpa.  I'd like to take this opportunity to brag on Fanncie a little.  Skagit belongs to a stock contractor, and he said she's the best dog he's ever had.  Yep yep, Fanncie had great pups.  So needless to say I have high hopes for my little replacement.



Xo  Loves,



Me

Thanksgiving.... Last Year

I've spent a lot of holidays alone, some completely alone, others with other families.  The price I've paid for being a little gypsy ;)  It was hard at first, but got easier as I got older.  

I moved back home in 2011.  It was wonderful, I got to celebrate my mama and papas birthday, my sister and brothers, and mine with family.  Last Thanksgiving was a truly special event, and probably one of the most memorable.  My sister is the only one of us that's married, so they split Thanksgiving and Christmas up between each family.  Last year it was our year for Christmas, but not Thanksgiving.  So it was just my parents, my brother and I. 

A couple weeks before Thanksgiving, my parents were off visiting my sister, leaving my brother and I in charge of calving.  I got home from work one night late, and noticed some calves in the pole barn.  I drove up to the house, and got my brother, and we went back down to fix fence.  It was raining, pretty late and I'm so surprised my brother and I got along so well.  What I didn't know was that he had left a pot of hot dogs boiling on the stove.  He didn't go back to the house, and I wasn't living there.  The next morning what he found was a disastrous mess, but thankfully the house was still standing.  The end result was some serious smoke damage of everything in our parents house.  My parents were outraged, my brother felt awful, but we were all So thankful that the house survived.  The smell was atrocious.  My mom spent the first couple nights in a motel, my dad toughed it out, but shouldn't have been breathing that stuff in.  For a week, every window in the house was open, and it was bitter cold inside there.  I took the bird, the cat and my mom.  Finally the insurance sent in a team, and my dad moved out. 

I was living in my grandparents old house, and my mom and dad were staying in my dads old room.  It was so nice!  My brother would come down during the day and start a fire for us all.  We had family dinners every night.  Problem was, I didn't have a dining room table.  Or really any chairs, or anywhere to sit.  But it was so special to see my papas reaction.  He hadn't slept in that house in almost 40 years.  A lot of memories came back.  He only came in the back door, because his mom would get mad if they drudged their dirty boots through the house. 

Thanksgiving rolled around.  Mom brought down a card table, my cousin brought over some fold up chairs, we were set!  My oven wasn't very big, so we just cooked a breast, made some stuffing, mashed potatoes and biscuits.  It was a fairly sparse spread, but I didn't have anything to cook with.  So we did the best we could with what we had.  And it was very nice!  Even though my sister wasn't able to be there, it was special.  It was my dads first Thanksgiving dinner in his old house since the mid 70's.  It meant so much to him, and it warmed my heart to see how happy he was.  He told us stories of his childhood, him and his brother fighting, playing army under the house, milking cows and cream separating...  I didn't know my grandparents very well, so spending a holiday in the home they built together meant more to me than I can express.  There was a lot of laughing, a lot of whiskey and wine and a few tears.  It was a day for the books!

There's only ever been one other Thanksgiving that was as special.  So as I prepare to spend yet again another T-Day without my family I remember the truly happy and amazing holidays I have gotten to spend with them.  And look even more forward to going home for Christmas!


So Happy Thanksgiving everyone and don't ever take your family and friends for granted, no matter how crazy they make you!!!!!




Xo Loves,



Me

Sunday

As I'm lazily hanging out with the roommates, doing a little homework, I found this photo on FB. I think it pretty much just says it all.  Things we should all remember, and keep in mind for everything we do in life.
 So enjoy your Sunday, because Monday comes all too soon!




Xo Loves,

Me

Today I Did

Today I did it.  I did show up to my first class ten minutes early.  I was prepared for the exam, and ready to show my teacher I am something. 

Tuesday I was completely humiliated by a professor.  I have anxiety so walking up in front of a large class is hard enough, but it's worse when the teacher rudely dismisses you and makes you feel as big as a pea.  I wanted to cry, but I didn't.  I didn't allow him the satisfaction of knowing he got to me.  I desperately wanted to grab my books and run out of there as fast as I could, but I didn't.  I calmly sat down, took notes and held my head high.  Even though inside I felt horrible.

Today we had our last test before finals.  The whole class is review for me, and in general isn't that tough.  I quickly hammered out the stocking rates, and moved onto grasses, which proved a little more difficult.  30 minutes into the class it happened.  The familiar racing of the heart, rolling, grumbling, churning of the stomach, and the all too intense feeling of an elephant sitting on my chest.  I needed to leave.  My test was almost done, but I knew I had to stay.  So I took some deep breaths, concentrated really hard on, well, you know, being Awesome!  It didn't really help though, the overall feeling of panic continued to grow.  I struggled through a couple questions, but tried my hardest because for some reason my teacher doesn't seem to really like me.  The toughest part of that is he's also my adviser, albeit a bad one.  I finished 15 minutes later and jetted out of there!

The uncomfortable, anxious feeling stayed with me all day...  After class a friend and I went to the Auction, where a particularly mean, horned cow tried slamming through the gate to eat us.  There were as usual, a couple horses there, and even a few Alpacas.   I wanted to pet them but I think one of them wanted to spit on me instead.  A sad looking little 5 month old filly sold for a whopping $5, and the Alpacas went for $1 each.  We ate, I got more coffee and I felt better.  I got a short nap later, then headed out to work with my horses.  Besides the rope burns inflicted by my filly, that was relaxing too.

Today was hard.  I realize that normal for me is not normal for everyone else, but I'm ok with that.  I generally have to leave school when my anxiety hits, but today I didn't. Today I did it.  I overcame the debilitating mental pressure that plagues me.  And for that I'm proud of myself. 

Wesley Woo said  "To succeed you must first improve, to improve you must first practice, to practice you must first learn, and to learn you must first fail."   So I will continue to practice and improve.


Xo Loves,


Me

Today I Will

I started this 2 days ago, but I can't post from my phone anymore, lame I know.
I really need to be working on my 1200 word paper that's due tonight at midnight, but I needed a break for some recreational writing.

I have a friend that had a crazy whirlwind relationship years ago, it ended in divorce but she has 3 wonderful children to show for it. Her relationship was a lot like mine with my ex!  It went from one extreme to another, we both have neither loved nor hated as much as we did with those men.

At the end of each experience there's a period of reconstruction.  I'm still going through mine.  My friend gave me a set of inspiration cards.  The Language of Letting Go.  I really like them.  So every day I spread them out, close my eyes and choose a card.  My favorite so far is about still being lovable.

Today I Will-- tell myself that I'm lovable. Just because some people haven't been able to love me in ways that worked doesn't mean that I'm unlovable. I've had lessons to learn, and some of them have hurt deeply, but I can still love, and I still am loved.

So no matter what, always know, someone still loves you!



Xoxo Loves,


Me